Twisted Little Fics
by Kisa
Summary: Part 3: Trowa's Tutu. Trowa receives a package with a special gift. Noin is busy collecting souls, Wufei decides to become an explorer on the quest for the holy Nataku and Duo gives us a Vegeta impression! R/R much appreciated!
1. Part 1: Wufei's Obsession

DISCLAIMER: Don't. Own. Gundam. Wing.  Period.

Part one (or possibly the only part) in a new series we're working on…

WARNING: Shounen ai, Yaoi, 1+2, 3+4.  Um…lots of butter ^_^ Relena bashing, not friendly to Dorothy either.

Wufei's obsession

"Psssst…" Wufei whispered; shaking the sleeping braided boy.

"Mmmm," Duo mumbled and curled up into a ball and started sucking his thumb.

"PSSSST!" Wufei shook Duo harder, getting anxious.

"Mmm! Not now Heero, sleep now, sex later…" his voice trailed off as he waved his hand in Wufei's direction.  Wufei's eye started to twitch as he got disturbing mental images.

"MAXWELL!  I don't wish to know what you and Yuy get up too!"

Duo sat up fast and looked at Wufei.

"You aren't…what did you hear?" he asked, falling off the couch.

 Wufei smirked, before remembering why he was waking up the baka in the first place.

"Maxwell, I-I-I wants…"

"Yeah, Wu-man?" Duo smiled angelically.

"MAXWELL!  It's Wu-FEI!" the black-haired youth growled, "and I want to know where the *mumble* is."

"Where the what what?"

"The *incoherent mumbling*?"  Wufei looked at him expectantly.

"It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word your saying Wu-chan."

Wufei fumed, "I WANT TO KNOW WHERE THE DAMNED BUTTER IS!"

"Butter?"

"I'm making toast."

Duo sniffed the air with his extra "sensitive" nose, "I don't smell toast, and I don't know where the butter is, try the fridge."

"Um- I'm making bread, not toast."

Duo sniffed the air again, "I don't spell bread either."

"Wha-WHAT?!  MAXWELL, you cannot smell bread."

Duo pouted, "When it comes to food, I can smell anything.  Ohh, next door made a strawberry shortcake earlier." He sniffed the air again, "And…on…Mars…Zechs is eating…chocolate…with Noin."

"Maxwell, don't be ridiculous!"

"Fine," Duo crawled back onto the couch and curled up, his back to Wufei.

"Psst, Maxwell, MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAX-WELL!"

"What?" Duo mumbled, trying to ignore the solitary dragon.  How he wished Wufei would be solitary now.

"I don't know where the fridge is," Wufei poked Duo in the back, making him squirm.

"WU-FEI, do you have no consideration for those who are TRYING to sleep," Duo screeched, looking very pissed off.

"I don't know where the fridge is."

"Try the kitchen," Duo groaned.

"It's not in there, and I need butter for my sore throat."

"Of course the fridge is in the- WHY DO YOU NEED BUTTER FOR A **SORE** THROAT??!"

"Shhh!" Wufei hissed, "You'll wake Winner and Barton!"

"And?"

Wufei blushed, thankful for the living rooms darkness, "I don't want them to know I have a sore throat?"

"Oh, goodie, go find the fridge then, Wu-man," Duo turned to go back to sleep.

"I DON'T KNOW WHERE IT IS!"

Duo blinked. "Wufei, you said you had a sore throat…"

"I DO, DAMMIT, NOW TELL ME WHERE THE DAMN FRIDGE IS!!"

"I don't know" Duo looked thoughtful, "Oh, yeah, it's under the couch."

"UNDER THE-?"

"Yup."

"WHY," he paused, "the hell is it under the couch?"

"Midnight snacks! It's too far for me to walk."

"Midnight----Maxwell, you baka," Wufei looked under the couch for the fridge, finally finding it, he opened it.  The only thing left in there was…the butter.  "Maxwell, there's nothing here."

"Now do you see why it's too far to walk?"

Wufei groaned in exasperation and took the butter out of the fridge.

*SNORE* Duo lay face up, sprawled out on the couch, sucking on a thumb.

"Nnn, Heero, look at me!"  He smiled and continued to dream.

Wufei's eye twitched again and he scurried out of the living room, the tub of butter clutched to his chest.

***

'DUO!' Quatre screamed.

'Wha-? Nyurgh!'

Quatre was hovering behind the couch and had been yelling at the slumbering braided boy for the past hour.  He sighed, "What have you done to the fridge?"

Duo groaned and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes, "Under the couch," Duo mumbled, before going back to sleep.

"Tsk…Duo how many times have I told you not to put it there?" He asked, now realising the couch was stacked on top of the refrigerator and he had to stand on a chair to look over the back of it.  He rolled his eyes and went to get Trowa for help.

Three hours later:

*SNORE* Duo sucked on his thumb and was still dreaming of all the fun things he and Heero would do, when his koi got back from his mission.

"Tro-WA, you gotta help me get the fridge back in the kitchen now."

Quatre's girlish squeal was heard throughout the house.

"Whadda-?" Duo's eyes opened and he blinked dumbly.

"TROOOOOOOOOOOOOO-WA!"

Duo smirked and rolled off the couch… forgetting it was raised about three feet off the floor.

"Ow."

He rubbed his butt and got up.

"TROWA!"

Wufei scampered downstairs at Quatre's second girlish squeal, eye twitching and nose starting to bleed.

"Hey, Wu-chan, like your toast or bread?  Is your throat better?"

Wufei glared and stalked out to the back garden to play in his 'special' shed.

"Wha-?  Why is it everyone glares at me…I don't do anything!"

Wufei popped back, "Cuz you're a baka!"

And then he was gone again.

***

"Hehe, mmm, nummy, I'll have to get a new tub now! Ohhh all melted and…drool."

A clatter of plastic was heard as an Utterly Butterly tub landed on a huge pile of other Utterly Butterly tubs.

The dark figure grinned and looked at his almost finished creation, eyes gleaming.

Wufei passed out in happiness.

***

Quatre was shambling around in the empty fridge.  "Duo, I know you love to eat, but really, must you consume a whole tub of butter in one night!  I only went grocery shopping yesterday…we're going to be starved soon at the rate you eat…I mean, honestly, a whole tub of-"

"HEY, Q-man, why do I ALWAYS get the blame?"

"Well er-"

"Leave Quatre alone Duo," Trowa monotoned, and wrapped his arms around Quatre's waist from behind.

In despair, Duo left the kitchen.

And bumped into someone, falling on his butt for the second time that day.

He heard someone mutter "baka" before he was hoisted to his feet by his braid, and slung over someone's shoulder.

"Welcome home Heero," he sighed happily.  He was going to be busy today.

***

"Oh, stay still Dorothy."

The fork browed girl sighed and almost toppled over.

"Yes, miss, I never realised you were so heavy miss."

"Oh, Heero, you get your tongue out of that place, it's evil. Oh, good Hee-chan…no, no, no, DON'T DO THAT!"

Dorothy's left eyebrow twitched and she giggled. She really wanted to see what was going on.

"Heeeeeerooooo!  Oh, dammit, he's...ewwwwwwwww!"  Relena fell off her perch (Dorothy's shoulders) and landed with a crack on her head.

"Oh, Heero, what a ride."

Dorothy fell over laughing.  "Miss Relena…"

"Oh, shut up, Dorothy, I'm going to go round the back and surprise my Hee-chan."

Dorothy blinked, still sniggering, as Relena rounded the safe houses' corner and disappeared.

Finding a conveniently placed chair, she dragged it over to the window and peeped in.

Again, her eyebrows did a funny little twitch and she gaped.

"Why…Mr. Yuy, Mr. Maxwell, I never knew…"

***

Wufei peeped his head out of his 'special' shed's door, wondering if it was safe to go and get more butter from the fridge.

He sweatdropped when he saw Relena and hid, watching her just walk into the house…his house.

"Onna, get out, no onna's allowed."

He ran after her.  Leaving his precious creation behind.

Dorothy stumbled after him, dragging the conveniently there chair, wondering if Quatre ever did the stuff Heero and Duo had been doing.

All peace was shattered when:

"Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeroooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!"

A loud shot was heard and a Relena-ish squeal after it.  "Heero!  Hee-chan!" Another gunshot.

Dorothy and Wufei poked their heads into the living room.

Heero was in his boxers, his very nice PINK boxers, chasing the ex-Queen of the world, turned Vice Foreign Minister slash stalker of the Perfect Soldier, around the couch, weapon in hand, yelling "O mae o korusu" left, right and centre.

Relena was giggling happily and Duo was laughing too.  Well, except for when Relena said, "Oh, I knew you loved me Heeeeeeeeeeeeeroooooo".

"Kill the bitch!"

Heero chased Relena unto the kitchen and shot at her again. 

"AIE!  HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Everyone followed, Duo cheering Heero on and Dorothy trying to save the Minister.

"What's going on?" Quatre asked.

"Quatre!"

"Aie!"

Dorothy chased after the scantily clad blonde boy.

"…" Trowa glared.

A sheep ran into the kitchen, but no one noticed because of the Heero/Relena and Dorothy/Quatre situations.

The next gunshot sent everyone outside, as the kitchen's ceiling started to collapse.  Heero calmed down enough to get a good aim at object of his anger.

"OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!  Heero, you shot me!  YOU SHOT ME!"

"Relena-san!"

Relena staggered back into the shed, and Wufei watched in horror, as his special place collapsed under the weight of the Vice Foreign Minister.

"NNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOO!  My secret shame!"

 A large tub stood among the ruins of the shed, filled with a yellowy type substance.

"Wu…fei?" Quatre looked worriedly at the Chinese boy and then the tub of…stuff? 

"Errr…sorry Duo I guess you didn't eat all the butter. Duo!! Stop eating my COOKIES!" Quatre snarled as he looked at the nearly empty tub of cookies that should be stacked away in the cupboard.

Wufei fell to his knees as he stuck his head in his lap and started to sob.

"My baby. My poor, poor baby!" The sheep slowly made its way over to Wufei and patted him on the shoulder before it started to munch at his hair.

"MISS RELENA!" Dorothy ran over to Relena as fast as she could before tripping over Wufei, and flying through the air.  She landed face first in the tub of…stuff? slowly sinking into…it.

"…MY BUTTER!!" 

Everyone turned to Wufei as he stared longingly.

"*Blob…blob*." Dorothy drowned.

Creaks could be heard coming from the…it. Suddenly it collapsed leaving a drowned Dorothy upside-down, and the yellow stuff?  spilling over the grass.

"MY BUTTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER!" Wufei moaned.

"Butter?" Duo said, remembering why Wufei had been poking him in the back last night.

"BUTTER?!"  Quatre spluttered, "so that's where it's been going…"

Relena sobbed a clutched her wounded arm, butter seeping into her clothes.

Heero laughed like a maniac and went back inside, pulling Duo with him.  Duo sobbed as he dropped his cookies, but smiled when he realised where he was going.

The sheep paused from eating the now half bald Wufei, it looked at the butter-covered grass, Wufei, the butter covered grass, Wufei. It got off its feet and went over to the grass and sampled a bit. It looked at the butter-covered grass, Wufei, the butter covered grass, Wufei, it walked back over to Wufei, knelt down, and started to eat at the matted mess (Wufei's hair), again. Dorothy regained consciousness slowly and muttered to herself.

"Err…Relena…shot…save…fall…go boom, boom…!"

"OWWWWWWWWWWWWWYYYYYYYYYYY! HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO YYYYYYYUUUUUUY!" Relena bellowed.

Heero gulped as he rushed into the bedroom as he dragged the ecstatic braided boy behind him.

Dorothy staggered over to Relena but missed and tripped over Wufei again and fell into the wool of the sheep, never to come out again. 

The sheep looked round /I'm sure I felt something! / The sheep shrugged.

Quatre and Trowa shrugged and went back inside to resume their previous activities.

Wufei just sat there and sobbed.

Relena died of blood loss.

Two weeks later:

*Mehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!*

"WUFEI! STOP IT!"

"YEAH, WU-WU, SOME PEOPLE ARE TRYING TO *ahem* SLEEP!"

"Sleep my ass!  And it's not meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"

*Mehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh*

"WUFEI!"  Three people screamed at the Chinese boy.

"…" Trowa groaned.

*Mehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh*

"WUFEI!"

Four half naked boys slammed out of their respective bedrooms and stormed down the hall to Wufei's' room.

"What the fuck are you doing in there, Chang?!"

*Mehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh*

"Is Sally in there with you?"

"Pervert." Wufei muttered, "shh."

"Wufei-" Quatre started, but was cut off by a long, loud 'meh'.

"That's it," Heero monotoned and broke down the door.

Wufei sat on the floor, a Shenlong model next to him.

And the mysterious sheep that had become his new obsession.

*Mehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh*

"Man, some weird stuff goes on in this house."

****

Well, what do you think?  Review, or flame.  Yes, I know it was stupid and pointless, but it was funny/weird rite?!

Okie, review, review, review!


	2. Part 2: Quatre's Tea

Ahaha! I wrote another part ^_^ I didn't think I would. Well, this is Quatre's Twisted Little Fic.  Beware of talking stuffed toys and a decaffeinated Quatre (eeek!  Everyone run!).  Okie, thank you to those people who reviewed.

NOTE: All character bashing is intentional…but only in the name of humour

PAIRINGS: The usual 1+2+1, and 3+4+3.

DISCLAIMER: We own Bob! Bob is ours! And we own Wufei's outfit for this erm…episode…yeah. We also own "Squishy's Stuffed Toys Co."! Mwahaha…Whoa, we own quite a lot o.O. But, waaaaaaaa, G-boyz--they ain't ours. 

Part 2: Quatre's Tea 

All was quiet in the insane asylum…no wait, wrong house.

All was quiet in the safe house.  There were no sounds of sleeping sheep coming from Wufei's room, or any justice ramblings at that.  No bumping and thumping noises coming from Heero and Duo's bedroom.  There was a small snoring noise coming from Quatre and Trowa's room, but otherwise all was quiet.  Maybe a little too quiet for this safe house, where five mentally unstable, ex-pilots…erm, ah, ignore that. Anyway, it was quiet.

Quatre Reberba Winner was dreaming of fluffy pink clouds and a picnic in the sun, with his koi Trowa.  He snored away, not knowing what would happen when he woke up.

And then, he did…wake up that is.  The safe house was now totally silent.

Sleepily, the blonde boy rubbed his eyes and stretched out in the huge double bed.  He frowned when he noticed Trowa wasn't beside him.

"Trowa?" He looked around and noticed the silence. "Trowa?"  He got out of bed and almost fell over…Trowa usually brought him a cup of tea in the mornings to help wake him up.  Quatre groaned, he couldn't function without a cup of tea to start his day.

"Trowa?" He called, with no response, "Heero? Duo? Wufei?" he called.

'Aha!' he thought.

"Bob?!" Quatre yelled, seeing if Wufei's new sheep was there. No reply. "Tea?"

Quatre started to sob; in hope someone would bring him some tea.  No one came.  Staggering to his feet, he fell down the stairs-"Ow, OO! OWWWWW!"-and into the kitchen and took a hazy look around.

Now where did they keep the teabags?  Or the milk?  Or the teacups? He collapsed in exhaustion at the thoughts. "Teeeeea." 

Groaning again, he got up and reached for the kettle, filling it with water and putting it on boil. Five minutes later---

"Grrrrr…boil," Quatre's blue eyes glared at the cold kettle. He noticed the plug hanging over the edge of the counter, a few feet away. He reached for it, slipped and fell on his face, "Ow. Gnrrrr, can't reach--" he waved his hands around above him, failing to reach the plug.

"Nrrrr, smeg." His arms flopped to his sides. Getting on all fours, he started crawling towards the back door. 

BANG!

"Owwww."

BANG!

"Owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww."

BANG!

"Owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. Move," in his caffeine-less state, her glared at the glass back door, "move."

BANG!

"Arrrr." He attempted Heero's death glare, only succeeding to pout. He crawled into the door again.

'Why won't this invisible force field switch off?'

He turned back, and crawled up onto the counter, opened the kitchens window, and slithered out.

BUMP. "Ow."

He got back on his hands and knees, and began on his way to the shed.

He grabbed the broom leaning against the door and turned back to the house. Falling back on his butt, he threw stones at the door. 

Boomp…the stone flew back on hit him in the face. He fell backwards, feet in the air. He lay there for a while, watching the pretty birdies and clouds float above him. "Teaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa." 

After ten minutes he got up and back on his hands and knees, and crawled into the door a couple of times, he managed to figure out how to open it and went back to making his tea. Using the broom, he poked the plug back into the socket and waited for the kettle to boil. 

"YAY!" He cheered from the floor, as the now boiled kettle clicked off. He reached for the broom, and poked at the kettle to pick it up. "Grrr *poke* *pokepoke*." The kettle wouldn't move, so Quatre shoved the broom into it, causing the water to fly everywhere.

"Oh shi---bugger." Not bothered, Quatre grabbed the tea bags and milk (hey, where'd they come from…I thought I'd--errr…) and chucked them in the water, prodding the tea bag with a fork. Totally out of his mind from caffeine depravation, Quatre lapped up the odd "tea" mixture from where it was. The floor.

*

"What to do, what to do?" A newly revived Quatre asked a close by fluffy toy. Quatre stared at the teddy for a while before smiling widely. "Fluffy toy shopping!" Quatre jumped up from the kitchen floor and ran out the front door.

Quatre walked into "Squishy's Stuffed Toys Co." and began searching for the new Raggy Gaggy Gal (Raggy Gaggy? Where'd that come from?).

"Raggy Gaggy! There you are!" He said pointing ecstatically to a pile of boxes. "Raggy Gaggy, Raggy Gaggy!" Quatre ran over to the boxes. "Want one! Want one! Want one!" Quatre franticly tried grabbing at the top toy, but failed miserably, so he pulled one from the bottom causing the toys to avalanche all over the floor. Quatre tried running for his life and pushed over a shelf in the process which, unfortunately for Quatre, knocked down another shelf and another shelf, and several others after that. People ran from the store screaming while Quatre was squashed up against the glass face first staring at the passers by while being painfully crushed by, what looked like, very friendly and co-operative toys. Just then Quatre saw Trowa go past the window.

"Trowa!" He called the best he could with his mouth slightly misplaced to one side. "Trowa!"

"Hmm?" Trowa turned and looked at the crushed boy unable to move. He stared for a while before a brilliant idea popped in his head.

"I should get that for Quatre one of these days, though he might be offended. Oh well." Trowa turned and carried on walking down the road.

"Trowa? Where are going Trowa? Can't you see I need help? Trowa, come back!" tears began to trickle down the boys face. "Come back!" Just as Quatre thought things couldn't get any worse (like you'd really think that in this situation), a soft arm began moving its way round Quatre's neck and the little pink monkey pulled Quatre further into the tidal wave of toys…

*

"Hey Duo, Heero, couch." Trowa muttered, dropping his keys on the table.

"Nrrr," Duo mumbled in reply, before going back to making out with Heero.

"Hey Wufei…Wufei?"  Trowa sweatdropped at the sight in the kitchen. Wufei. In a maids outfit (Bob the sheep was wearing a little sheep-sized one). Cleaning the kitchen.

"Wu---fei?"

"What is it Barton?"

"Nothing. You just…continue…whatever it is you're doing." Trowa turned on his heel and ran out of the kitchen.

*MEEEEEEEEEEEEH!* Bob cried, nodding his little head in distaste.

Trowa ran into the living room, flipped over the back of the couch (narrowly missing the pile that was Heero and Duo) and fell into an armchair.

"Hey guys---err never mind." Trowa whistled a tune to himself, eventually starting to sing; "Hey, hey are you ready to play, it's time to come and stay with the Tweenies--"

"Owww, Heero your knee is right in my b-Oh, hi Trowa!" Duo said, untangling himself from Heero and smiling. Heero pushed Duo off the couch, an odd glint in his eye.

Trowa sweatdropped, "Hey, have you guys seen Quatre?"

"Nope, nope, nope, no---HEERO PUT THOSE HANDCUFFS AWAY---OWW…LET GO OF MY BRAID…HEERO--H-HEERO!"

//.O Trowa watched as Heero drag Duo up the stairs, laughing like a maniac.

"Goddamit Heero---" Duo's voice faded into the background, and a door slammed. 

"The hills are aliiiiiiiiive with the sound of music…with songs they have sung for a thousand years," Wufei's high pitched singing floated out from the kitchen, and Trowa had a sneaky suspicion he was dancing with the mop.

*MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEH!*

"Oh, your doing great Bob!"

"Quatre? Where the hell are you?" Trowa gasped, sending a silent prayer for Wufei to get some friends.

The doorbell rang, and Trowa leapt for the door. 

A policeman stood outside. Quatre was with him. And for some odd reason, a little pink monkey sat on the blonde boys shoulder.

"Good afternoon, the young fellow here gave me this address. Are you his father?"

"Fa---ther?"

"Oh….HEEEEEEEEEEEEERO!" *Bang*

The police officer raised an eyebrow, and checked his notepad, "I do have the right house don't I?"

Wufei ran past, Bob following, both boy and sheep taking off up the stairs, "I didn't do it!" Wufei yelled.

"Err---Wufei! Get yourself decent!" Trowa yelled, and in response the maids outfit was hurled down the stairs and landed on his head.

The police officers eyes got wider, "This is the environment your son lives in?"

"I'll be right with you," Trowa muttered, slamming the door, and throwing the dress on the floor. He opened the door again, "And Quatre's not my son!"

He slammed the door again, "Wufei! Get some pants on! Bob…just…whatever. Heero, Duo, shut the hell up with all the banging, save it for later!" Pasting a smile on his face, he opened the door, again. The police officers nose was dripping blood, and Quatre was crying.

"Oh, it was so awful Trowa! And you just left me there! Left me there!" Quatre wailed, running into the house.

Trowa blinked and turned back to the police officer, who was hurrying back to his car.

*MEEEEEEEEEH!* Bob appeared by Trowa's leg to wave the car off.

*

::3 nights later::

"And pull!"

"Arrrghh, Trowa its just holding on tighter!"

"Well, I don't know what to do then Quatre. It won't budge."

"Shoot it off," offered Heero.

Quatre choked, "I don't like it! I wanted a Raggy Gaggy doll! Rag-gy Gag-gy! Not some stupid little pink monkey!" He made a feeble attempt to pull the toy off, "Get off! Move." It curled up on his shoulder.

Quatre sniffled, and got big Chibi teary eyes.

"Maybe butter could get it off!" Wufei suggested. 

*Meh.* Bob agreed.

***

*runs away from Quatre fans* don't hurt me!! *knows she's gonna get killed ^^;*

Okay, review! 

Next part: Trowa's Tutu-- extra mayhem, and more Bob! Oh, and any suggestions for insanity?


	3. Part 3: Trowa's Tutu

Okies, thanks for all reviews, all of them are much appreciated.

As, expected, I do not own the G-boys, but I own Bob, and Wufei thinks he can steal my sheep off me…¬.¬ The boy shall pay…PAY! PAY I TELL YOU! *gets dragged back to the mattress cell (too cheap to buy proper padded cells…)*

Read this! Review this! Flame this! And make Wufei give Bob back! 

**WARNINGS**: OOC, yaoi/Shounen-ai hints, Sheep, cross-dressing. 

**Part 3: **Trowa's Tutu

Wufei Chang ran down the halls of the safehouse, singing his heart out. "Wufei had a little sheep, little sheep, little sheep, Wufei had a little sheep, and his name was Bob!"

*Meh, meh, meh, meh meh meh meh meh, meh meh meh meh meh meh meh, meh meh meh meh Bob!*

"Wuuuuuuuuuuufei has a little sheep, little sheep, little sheep! Wuuuuuuuuuufeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeei---"

"Wufei will be wearing the little sheep if he doesn't shut up!" Heero Yuy's voice screamed from the kitchen, the perfect solider loosing his cool with the Solitary Dragon.

"Oooo, someone didn't get any last night."              

*Meh* Bob nodded, and followed Wufei down to the kitchen.

Heero was hunched over his laptop, typing furiously. He glared at Wufei over the screen, with an indignant look saying, "I did happen to get some last night, thank you very much."

Wufei's eye twitched. 

Duo was sitting on the cabinet asking a poptart the meaning of life, and other stupid questions; "How comes Heero never lets me be on top?" he asked, taking a bite out of the poptart and pouting.

Heero leapt up; "Baka!" He yelled, grabbed his laptop and stormed out of the room.

"Does Heero have PMS, or something?" Quatre said, sipping tea and sitting back in his seat.

"Is that a rhetorical question?" 

Everyone stared at Duo, who blinked.

"I swear nobody understands me!" He began to suck on another pop tart, "Mmm, chocolate!"

Wufei sighed, and helped Bob into his chair at the table, before sitting down himself.

"WUFEI! What have I told you about that sheep?! He gets fur--wool in my tea! Its unsanitary!"

Wufei sniffled, "But…but Quatre! Bob is an active part of this family, and I condemn you for discriminating against him! Shame on you Blondie!"

Quatre recoiled backwards, and fell off his chair.

"Har har har! That's so amusing Mister Chocolate!" Duo said, staring at his crumbling pop tart.

Trowa, whose the only one we haven't mentioned so far, so we'll bring him in, cuz this is his ficcie, who was sitting silently at the table, sweatdropped and blinked.

_I live in a mad house,_ he thought, and bolted from the kitchen.

"Troooooooowa, blonde cuddle-snooms fell off his chair, and needs a hand up!" Quatre called. "Troooowa? Trowaaaaaaaaaaa? Trowa. Trowa?! Help me!"

"Hehehehe, yes, that's a good idea, Mister Chocolate!" a few seconds later, Duo dashed out of the kitchen, poptart crumbs covering his face. He pulled the drapes down from the living room window and ran upstairs.

"Duo…what are you--?"

*SLAM* Trowa winced as the sound of the door slamming echoed down the stairs.

"--doing with the drapes?"

Trowa's unanswered question was soon answered when he heard a loud squeal, which sounded suspiciously like Heero, from upstairs.

"Duo!" 

Yup, it was Heero.

"Get your hands out of there!"

//.O;; Trowa gulped and decided the best place to be was outside.

"Trowa! Please help your snuggle-bunny up off his butt! Trrrrrrrrrrrrrooooowaaaaa!"

The doorbell rang, and Trowa ran to answer it.

Noin stood at the door, dressed as a post woman, with package in her hand. "Hey, is Trowa Barton here?"

"Noin?"

"OH, hey Trowa!"

Trowa blinked, and decided not to ask, and nodded his head towards the package.

"O, yeah," she dumped it in his arms, "sign here please…" she pointed to the dotted line.

Trowa scrawled his name, and Noin grinned, "Thanks," she turned and walked off, "mwahahaha, now I have his soul…"

Trowa dropped the package on his foot. "Shit!"

"Troooooooooooooooooooowa! Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelp me!"

*Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh*

"Quatre! You made Bob cry!"

"No, I didn't!"

"Yes, you did!"

"No, I didn't!"

"Yes, you did!"

"No, I didn't!"

"Yes, you did!"

"No--"

*Mehhhhh!*

"Shut up Bob!"

*Meh* Bob said sheepishly.

"--I didn't!"

"Yes, you DID!" Wufei stormed out of the kitchen, and went to go upstairs.

"Duo! Get. Your. Hands. Out. Of. There. Now."

"No, sir, no sir! Hehehe, I told Mister Chocolate this was a good idea!"

The black haired boy froze, "Eeeep," he said, eye twitching. "I'll go…out…there," he said pointing at the door, and he ran outside.

"Hi, Wufei! I have a package-y thingy for you! Sign on the dotted line!"

"Okay! It's probably that explorer kit! Now Bob and me can go on the quest for the holy Nataku! Mwahahahahahaha!"

"Ooooooooookies, thanks for that tidbit of info. Wufei."

"Trooooooooooowa! I'm stuck in the chair! My haiiiir is stuck in the chaiiiir!"

Trowa picked up his package, plugged his fingers in his ears, and made for his room.

He flung himself at the door, got inside, and quickly locked it behind him.

"Ehehehe! It must be my new clown outfit that Cathy ordered for me!" He giggled insanely for a short bit, before coughing and looking around.

"Duo…get these drapes off me!"

"No, no, no, have to carry out orders."

Trowa sweatdropped, and opened the package. He pulled out a pink tutu looking thing, with pink fluffy stuff lining the bottom of the skirt thing. He blinked.

"Well, if that's what Cathy ordered me…I may as well try it on!" 

***

Duo flopped onto his back, and sighed.

"I owe chocolate my life."

Heero stared at ceiling with a dazed look, wrapped in the living rooms drapes. "Duo-" he croaked.

"Hai, Hee-chan?"

"O mae o korosu." 

"Will that be before or after the second round?"

Heero's eyes widened in fright, as Duo pounced and glomped onto his koi.

Suddenly, both boys froze. They heard a bump next door, followed by a floomp.

"Goddamit…grrr."

"Is that Trowa?" Heero asked.

Duo blinked, "What's he doing to Quatre?"

"I'M STUCK IN A GODDAMN CHAIR, FOR ALLAH'S SAKE! SOMEONE GET MY HAIR FREE, NOW!"

"Nothing?"

Boomp, floomp.

"Nyargh!"

***

Trowa was tackling with his new "clown" costume. "Nyargh!" He fell over again, crashing into the wardrobe before falling to the floor.

"This is too bloody tight! I'm gonna kill Cathy!"

The new costume was halfway onto Trowa, and he was struggling to get it past his hips.

After a few more minutes, or hours, Trowa could never be sure, he stood up, arms spread.

"Ta da!"

He looked at himself in the bedroom mirror, "Hmm, maybe I should get one of these for Quatre," he murmured, turning sideways. He grinned.

"I should ask Cathy to get this in a different colour, pink isn't really my thing."

He turned around, to try and see how his butt looked in the outfit.

"Flat as ever," he said nodding. He skipped around the room, and flipped onto the bed. He bounced up and down, doing the odd backflip.

"I'm a ballerina! Lalalala! Ballerina!"

Duo and Heero wondered what Trowa was going on about as they heard bumping noises coming from a room with only one person in it, they looked at each other oddly before Duo smiled evilly and put his hand to his head,

"Orders are orders, no matter what may be going on else where, mwahahaha!"

Heero looked forward with fear.

"Help. Me…Ahhhhhhh!"

***

"Trowa?" Quatre looked around the kitchen. "Damn. Hello? Anyone?" Grumbling the blonde boy, picked up the chair he was stuck in and attempted to hobble out of the kitchen, only to get stuck in the door.

"Oh for…" Quatre mustered up his best glare/pout, and tried to squeeze through the door.

10 minutes later…

"Nyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!" Quatre flew about three feet forward and landed on his face. "Damn chair."

***

Trowa gave up admiring his new outfit, and was trying to wiggle out of it. So far, he had successfully accomplished on getting his right arm trapped in the sleeve, and was unable to move it. He was now doing the 'Twist' to get out of it.

"I am so going to have a word with Cathy about this," he grumbled, pulling at the front. Sweat ran off his forehead as he tried time after time to get out of the tutu.

He was having no luck. His right arm was twisted up above his head, and his left was tuggeing at the front at the front of the lycra suit. He was was also hopping around the room, from one foot to another, occasionally tripping over the odd stuffed toy or adandoned shoe.

"Ack," he cried as he went flying once more, landing face first on the bed.

There was a knock at the door.

"Trowa? Let me in! I'm stuck in a chair and I need you to get me out!"

Trowa's eyes went wide… "Errr, can't at the moment, Quatre…I just…argh goddamn lycra!"

***

Quatre stood at the bedroom door, the chair in his hands, his head tilted at a funny angle.

"Hey, Q! Whatsup?" Duo said, bouncing out of his room, his hair all our of place.

"I'm stuck in a GODDAMN CHAIR!"

"Cool!" Duo bounced downstairs to put the drapes back…

Heero came out of the bedroom, his face less somber than usual. He looked almost…happy.

Quatre backed away in fear.

"Trowa! Trowa! Let me in!"

"Noooooo!"

There was a bump against the door as Quatre tired to knock it down, desperately trying to get away from Heero.

"What are you doing in there?! Let me iiiiiiiiiiiiin!"

"I'm…exfoliating! Go away!"

Quatre sweatdropped, Heero blinked, and Duo tripped over the last stair and fell flat on his face.

"Owwwww," the braided boy muttered, wincing.

"And this is an historic discovery for the famous Wufei Chang, and his companion Bob-"

*Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh!*

"Okay, okay. -and his fellow explorer, Bob the mostly magnifico sheep! Ah! And what do we have here? A congregation of males, surrounding some sort of…alter. Lets try and communicate."

Wufei, dressed in some sort of explorer outfit (including the hat, and the tacky sandles with socks) waved a Dictaphone in Quatre's face.

"And are you praying to your god for good crops? And what is this thing that ails you?" Wufei pointed to the chair.

Quatre stared blankly at the boy.

"Ah, its seems they do not speak my native tongue…I must improvise and try to communicate."

Suddenly the boy started jumping around like a monkey, and making monkey noises, while still trying to wave the Dictaphone in Quatre's face.

"Arghhhhhhhhh!" Quatre screamed, "let me in Trowa! Let me in! I'm scared!"

"I'm exfoliating Goddamit, go away!"

Bob was busy prodding Heero in the back of the leg, and "writing" down the cobalt-eyed boys reactions.

Heero's eye twitched as the sheep tickled his knee. You could just sense the "O mae o korosu" waiting to burst forth, or for him to kick the sheep away into oblivion.

"Trowa! Trowa!" Quatre bashed his head against the door with each syllable. "Let me in! Trowa!"

"Wow! What an interesting piece of psychology this creature is showing!" Wufei said, screeching into his Dictaphone, "it appears this Trowa has some sort of religious standing. Perhaps this being is their God!"

Duo was on the floor laughing, "Oh, my god Wufei! Can you get anymore pathetic?!"

Wufei turned to Duo, "And this, seems to be the dumber of the species. Maybe he is the outcast here to beg his God for forgiveness and a brain."

Duo burst out laughing, the stopped. "Hey, wait a minute…"

***

Trowa was near tears. Now not only was his arm stuck in the tutu, but so was his head.

"Trooooooooooooooowa!" Quatre moaned outside the door.

"I'm busy!"

Trowa tripped over something on the floor. He tried to leap to his feet, only to find he couldn't get up.

"Tro-WA!"

"Arrrrgh!"

"And the god of the interesting cult seems to be exerting some kind of…stress? Maybe it is some kind of ritual."

Trowa heard sounds of notes being scribbled down.

*Mehhhhh*

"Sod off you little wool ball! Stop poking me Goddamit!" Heero yelled.

More scribbling sounds.

Trowa went back to trying to wriggle out of his costume.

***

Half an hour later…

"Hey, Heero, wanna see my Vegeta power up impression?"

"Sure, why not?"

Duo stood up from leaning against the wall, and started screaming and shouting, his face contorted into a look you would usually see on a constipated person.

Heero rolled his eyes, "Aww, c'mon, I can do better than that!"

"Go on then."

"Don't wanna."

Trowa slumped down against the door, still trapped in his outfit, with both arms strapped to his sides, and his head through one of the arms. "You guys are pathetic."

"Well, at least we're not stuck in a room!"

"And the males seem to be arguing with their god. What a twisted bunch these are! Come Bob, we must continue on our quest for the holy Nataku!"

*MEEEEEEEEEEEEH!!!!!! MEEEEEEEEH!*

Both boy and sheep skipped off, explorer kits at the ready.

"Trowaaaaaa, what are you doing in there?!" Quatre had gotten himself more twisted up in the chair after trying to knock Wufei out. He looked completely miserable.

Trowa went back to battling with his outfit, hoping to make the suit stretch. One of his legs was almost out of the leg when he toppled into the door. With a loud crack, the door fell down, and Trowa knocked himself out.

"What the---? O-mi-GOD!" Duo fell over laughing, "oh, my god, he's wearing…oh , my god."

Heero stared at the unconscious 03 for  a moment.

"Now why didn't I ever think of costumes?"

Duo froze, "Eh?"

"Come on Duo!" Heero said, bouncing on his heels, "We're going out!"

Quatre blinked at Trowa, and poked him.

"You said you were exfoliating."

***

"Well, next time, remember to order your-ahem-clothes in the right size, Mr. Barton."

Trowa nodded, and went back to rocking back and forth.

The firefighters handed Quatre the remains of the tutu and the chair, and bid farewell.

Catherine appeared at the door just as the firemen left, she stared at them as they passed her.

"Hey, Quatre! Is Trowa here?" She said jovially, "Its just that the order messed up, and he got my new costume instead of his."

***

…*blinks* Weeeeeeeeell, review and tell me what you think! Onegai?

Well, that was the 3rd part, the next parts are; Duo's Furby and Heero's laptop. THEN, if anyone requests we may do others (like Noin, Zechs, Une…anyone but Relena (it would have to be set before this series, ne?)). But that's a maybe.

As for the relentless Quatre bashing; what can I say? He's funny to bash. XD 

~Shi


End file.
